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People in their 50s and 60s grew up in a time when divorce was treated very differently than it is now. When Baby Boomers were growing up, divorced parents were scorned, shunned, and gossiped about. People would murmur quietly about alleged infidelity, spousal abuse, and mental illnesses. Divorced women would destroy their homes, while divorced males had a midlife crisis and abandoned their wives and children.
In the 1960s and 1970s, society’s message to married couples was clear: do everything you can to keep your family together. Even if it means enduring domestic violence, drunkenness, or infidelity, keep your family together.
Since our parents were children, the family unit has come a long way. Nearly half of all first marriages today result in divorce, with the percentages much higher for second and third marriages. If you’re stuck in a dead-end marriage with kids, you might be wondering, “What effect would a divorce have on my kids?”
It all boils down to how you and your spouse manage the divorce. If you stay in a toxic marriage, two things are certain: it will injure your children and will cause more harm than good. Do you believe that divorce is harmful to children? Forcing them to stay in a loveless marriage is a bad idea. Try putting them in a situation where they have to cope with constant tension and conflict on a daily basis. Children endure the brunt of their parents’ broken relationship because it’s practically hard for them to disguise it.
Children are frequently present in daily disputes. They are perceptive, sensitive beings who can sense when their parents are unhappy. They intuitively perceive their parents’ unhappiness, as well as their parents’ coldness and emotional detachment from one another.
In many cases, children blame themselves for their parents’ disagreements; they believe it is entirely their fault. “If only I completed my chores better,” they may think to themselves. “If only I had received better grades. If only I had been a smarter kid. If only I had paid more attention to Mom and Dad. I wish I could be more helpful at home.”
Here are five ways kids can suffer from their parents’ failing marriage:
1. Constant Quarrelling When parents are continually battling at home, it has a direct impact on the children. Children are highly sensitive, and hearing their parents dispute irritates them. Children can put on headphones, clasp a favorite stuffed animal or blanket (young children), cry, or sink into a momentary depression during an argument.
Parental conflict can be so distracting that children struggle to focus on their homework and want to do nothing but get away from it. Constant exposure to parental conflict is unpleasant for children and can have emotional and physical consequences.
2. Ever-present Tension It’s as though children are constantly stressed when they are exposed to chronic tension. Stress has been linked to overeating, depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, and other harmful health effects in adults, according to scientific evidence. It can’t possibly be healthy for the health of youngsters. Often, the childhood trauma and emotional scars of a child’s parents’ dysfunctional marriage have long-term consequences.
3. An Absence of ‘Joy’ in the Home What do kids require? They require a lot of love. There is a dearth of joy in the home when children are continuously exposed to the emotional pressures of their parents’ poisonous marriage, and believe us, the children can sense it. The youngsters go to school or to their friends’ houses to get away from their home lives, and when they return, they dread every minute of it. THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO LIVE FOR CHILDREN.
4. Cold Home Environment Imagine growing up in a house that was cold and lacked warmth (emotional warmth, the kind that makes you feel good). As an adult, you may be experiencing it right now, but it is not a healthy way to live for a child. No parent wants to deprive their children of a joyful upbringing, yet that is exactly what they are doing by staying in a toxic marriage.
You can purchase your kids the most up-to-date electronics, video games, and fashionable clothing in the world, but nothing can replace a loving home where they want to stay.
5. The Inherent Emotional Instability In cases where children are exposed to high-conflict couples on a regular basis, it eats away at them. The tension erodes their mental stability and inner tranquility day by day, placing them at conflict with their natural instincts. They may crave emotional intimacy above all else, but they socially separate themselves from friends and family.
They desire for companionship, but instead reject it and become a loner. They yearn for love yet are incapable of forming close bonds. They have incredible creative powers and capabilities, but they bury them and give up before they ever begin. External conflict between their parents almost invariably becomes an interior war, resulting in toxic and unhappy relationships.
“Mom and Dad, please just get a divorce already!”
If you’re in a high-conflict marriage and your kids are older than 10 or mature for their age, they might be hoping, fantasizing, and praying for you to split. If your child is in seventh or eighth grade, they may have already advised you to divorce. “Why are you still married?” they may have inquired. Why don’t you just get a divorce and be done with it?” If your child has brought up this topic with you, it’s time to listen to what they have to say.
Do you believe a terrible marriage has a physical and emotional impact on you? It’s most likely affecting your children as well. Because of their parents’ poisonous relationship, many children of high-conflict marriages face constant humiliation at school, at extracurricular activities, and in front of their peers. Children may experience migraines, depression, mood disorders, and even weight problems as a result of the verbal abuse they encounter from one or both of their parents.
When their parents eventually decide to quit their high-conflict marriages, it relieves the sadness of countless children. They begin to do better in school, and their family is finally filled with calm and love. In fact, once a toxic marriage is ended, it’s remarkable how much better life can be for everyone.
Looking for a divorce lawyer in Los Angeles? To schedule a free initial consultation, contact Spodek Law Group.
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