I'm afraid of how he'll react if I file for a divorce
Filing for divorce takes a great deal of deliberation, especially when there are children involved. However, when your husband is abusive, you need to think and plan very carefully. The court offers protection from abusive spouses, but the direction of an attorney is generally needed. Your husband may see you leaving as a threat, and he may be furious about the thoughts of you moving on. This is a very real concern and one that needs to be handled accordingly. To help you look at the bigger picture, here are some reasons why you should not be afraid of divorcing:
1. The Situation is Temporary
Divorce and all the proceedings are very difficult to deal with. However, you must remember that these things are not permanent. Think of it like quickly removing a band-aid, once you get over the sting the pain goes away.
2. People Can Grow Together or Grow Apart
Divorce has become commonplace in our society because people change and grow apart. While you might have hoped for the fairy tale, the court allows you to sever a union when you both no longer have the same goals for the future.
3. A Woman Who Stands Up to Abuse and Leaves is Courageous
It takes more courage to stand up and leave your abusive spouse than it does to stay and take the abuse. Their threats only go so far. If they become violent, then you should file for a restraining order or press charges against them, depending on the situation. Do not be afraid of threats, take them to the police. Never try to handle these situations on your own.
4. You Will Feel Much Better
Once the fear has passed, you will feel much better. Think of divorce as a toothache. Many fears the dentist chair because it brings them so much angst; however, you will feel instant relief once the infection is removed. The same goes for divorce. Once the source of the pain is gone, the discomfort will subside. You may be better than you ever could have imagined.
5. You Always Have Choices
The entire divorce process may be difficult, and you may feel overwhelmed, but you always have choices. Remember that your attorney can give you guidance on how to handle the trickiest situations. Whether he is trying to take custody or your favorite heirloom furniture, there are legal ways to resolve all these issues.
6. The Court Does Not Play Games
Your husband may threaten or spew a whole bunch of hateful things your way, but he will be expected to answer for his actions in court. The judge would never allow such behavior in a courtroom. Additionally, if there are children involved, your attorney can ask for a mental evaluation to prove that he needs supervised or no visits. The court has many ways to combat abusive people legally.
7. Your Children Will Thank You for Leaving
Many times, women use the motivation of the children for staying in an unhealthy relationship. They worry about the financial aspects as well as the need for stability. Well, children are often unable to express their emotions effectively. This is especially true when they feel caught in the middle of two parents. Removing them from an unhealthy situation can improve their mental wellbeing and their outlook. Also, it can do wonders for your mental health too.
8. You Can Get Child Support or Alimony
While many women concern themselves with financial matters, the court can order child support and alimony. If your husband was the primary breadwinner of the home, then you will get help. Being the custodial parent does not have to be a burden. You are entitled to the lifestyle you have become accustomed too, especially if you have been married for more than five years.
9. There Are Organizations to Help
If you are truly in a tough situation and it feels that your life is in danger, then you should consider checking yourself into a woman’s shelter. Many places all over the country will help people in situations just like yours. They want to make sure that you are safe and protected, so they take all the extra measures to ensure this happens. They also provide advocacy and support groups to encourage you to put your life back together and start over.
10. Your Lawyer Has Your Back
As mentioned before, a family law attorney knows all about the games that spouses play when they are about to lose money or their family. Lean on your attorney for support and advice. When you retain counsel, you never have to take matters into your own hands. You are paying them to do the dirty work for you. They will file motions, be a listening ear, and handle the situation to the best of their knowledge. You are not alone throughout this entire process.
Going through a divorce is painful at best. You have many mixed emotions and fears about the future. Thankfully, your support system can be vast if you allow it to be. Just reach out to support groups, an attorney, and even a woman’s shelter to will enable you to put this chapter behind you and start on the new one.