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We spend a lot of time talking to clients about divorce as divorce attorneys. Typically, a client may think about divorce for what feels like a hundred years, pondering whether it is the right or wrong thing to do. They’ll be bombarded with dozens of queries to which they’ll have no answers, or at least the impression that there aren’t any. During their marriage, they constantly pondered, “Are my married friends happy?” How does it feel to have a happy marriage? Perhaps we’re all secretly unhappy while trying to be happy.”
The fact is that when people are happy in their relationships, they don’t think about divorce or fantasize about ending their marriage. They are content, so they make the unspoken decision to stay together. People in unhappy marriages, on the other hand, are always confused, stressed, and in a state of apparently endless, and often torturous tension. They have a lot of thoughts regarding divorce. Maybe not every day, but it’s always on the back of some unhappy spouses’ minds.
Living in an Unhappy Situation?
Do you know what it’s like to be trapped in an endless cycle of tension, misery, dissatisfaction, and marital strife? If this is the case, you may feel as if you’re going insane, or if you haven’t yet, you’ll lose your mind soon enough. Should you stay or should you go? No! Will your sour marriage miraculously improve one day? It’s really unlikely. What are your alternatives? You’ve got a few.
Are you content? Could you be content? So, what are your options? If marriage counseling isn’t an option or won’t resolve your issues, divorce is likely the best and only option. You may be thinking to yourself as you read this, “I know the answers to the above questions, but I’ve been disregarding them.” Perhaps you’ve been telling yourself, “I’m not the type of person who quits up,” instead of facing reality. “I’m not the type to get divorced.” And maybe you’ve been thinking that for a long time. Or perhaps you don’t believe it and are simply waiting for the final straw to break the camel’s back. You’re waiting for anything major to go wrong so you can finally carry out your plan.
‘I’m Not the Divorce Type of Person’
What’s more, guess what? There is no such thing as a “divorce-prone” person. The soccer coach, the company president, the sculpter, the devout faithful individual, the numbers runner, the professional, the housewife, the teacher, the high net worth individual, the one who grew up in a happy, nuclear family, the adult child of divorce, the physician, the lawyer, the restaurant manager, and everyone in between have all gotten divorced.
Perhaps you’re a serious someone who isn’t fickle, flamboyant, or frivolous in any way. Maybe you’re a doer, a warrior who will go to any length to save your marriage, even if it means sacrificing your happiness. Is it worth battling for a damaged marriage that can’t be repaired? Will it make you truly happy? Can you envision living in this manner in 20 years?
The Three Divorce Problems are up next.
What it Takes to Battle it Out
Many unhappy spouses fail to realize that in order to fight for their marriages, they must first have a real marriage. It’s a difficult pill to swallow, but it’s true. When someone battles for their marriage, they’re battling for the intimacy, loyalty, and love that come with it. Alternatively, they may be battling for the memory of those things in the hopes of recovering them — assuming they remember what happened to them and how to recover them.
What if you’re fighting for these things when you’ve never had them before? What if you were never actually “attached” in the first place? What if your partner has a roving eye or has been unfaithful to you? What if they have a secret life or prefer to be far away from you rather than close to you? What if your spouse has abandoned you for a long time?
Then you must ask yourself, “What exactly am I fighting for?” Every year, we go to Hawaii for a vacation. What is the picture on my annual Christmas card that I send out?” Of course, there are the youngsters. But are they experiencing the same suffering as their dissatisfied parents? Toxic exposure on a daily basis isn’t good for their growth, development, or overall well-being.
The Dysfunctional Married Couples You Know
Consider a couple you know who is dissatisfied in their marriage. How long did it take you to do that task? Maybe five seconds? You can tell they’re unhappy because you can smell their marital dissatisfaction from a mile away. It’s evident in their aggressive behavior toward one another, their disparaging statements about one another, their lack of smiles and playfulness with one another, and their physical and emotional distancing. Oh, and don’t get me started on their eye-rolling while they’re talking about each other. There’s always some rolling of the eyes. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Why don’t they just split and go on?” with this pair.
“No one will believe me when I tell them we’re getting a divorce,” a client will frequently tell us as an explanation for their hesitation to tell anybody about their divorce. “We have our doubts,” we say naturally. Some customers believe that people will be astonished, perhaps because they tried to seem as if everything was fine, but we can nearly guarantee that unhappy couples are not as skilled at concealing their bad marriage as they believe.
Here’s How to Have a Great Divorce
Please know that you are not lazy, irresponsible, or uncaring if you are frightened to end your unpleasant marriage! It doesn’t necessarily imply that you’re a quitter or a horrible person. It means you and your spouse are entitled to a second chance at happiness, especially if you’ve given it your all and are still unable to find happy together.
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